Well hello there.
This week my husband (Lee) and I are celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary. I don’t feel old enough to be married this long. But, I did turn 40 this year so I guess I am.
Marriage is a funny thing. It is something that most girls dream about their entire lives. Boys, I don’t think most boys really dream about being married. And, if I am a hundred percent honest, most girls dream of their wedding; they don’t really dream about marriage.
Marriage is two people that come together and say we are going to do this life together forever. It is two people that love eachother so much they want to take on ALL life has to throw at them together. The thing is that there is not much that really prepares you for that. Marriage is more than the party that you throw at the beginning. Marriage is the ordinary everyday things. Marriage is the vows.
“In the name of God, I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.”
For better or for worse. This line could mean a million things. Better, when he brings home flowers and mows the yard. Worse, he is late from work and falls asleep on the couch at 8pm. Better, when she has all the laundry done and makes your favorite meal. Worse, the clothes pile is starting to smell and you have to get takeout again because she hasn’t gone grocery shopping in a week and all the leftovers are moldy. Those are pretty basic things but life is about the basic. It is about the everyday, not just the “tv moments”.
For richer, for poorer. This line is a little more self explanatory. Will you hold onto your spouse in the moment’s when it seems like money is falling into your laps and nothing can stop you? Absolutely. That is easy. The hard part is holding your spouse when they make a mistake on your budget and you have to move around $700+ of funds (ask me how I know this) or holding onto your spouse when your car needs a $4000 fix that neither of you saw coming. Or holding onto your spouse when you are robbing Peter to Pay Paul and just hoping nothing in your home breaks. Marriage is budget talks and planning and being on the same page.
In sickness and in health. I find it interesting in this line that the bad thing is put first. Maybe it is just because it rhymes better, but I think it is intentional. Will you hold your spouse when they are making noises in the bathroom you cannot handle? Will you hold your spouse when they are recovering from surgery and are not thinking clearly because of the meds. Will you hold your spouse when they become disabled due to a medical mishap and are now unable to walk? Will you hold and have your spouse when they are dealing with so much mental anxiety they cannot seem to function. Sickness is not just a common cold. It is so much more. Health. Health is easy. When your spouse is going on all cylinders it is much easier to have and to hold them. I think that this is why they put sickness first. Because, it is harder to do.
To love and to cherish. Love and Cherish mean two completely different things. Love is a feeling. Cherish means to protect and care. Caring is giving serious attention and providing for someone. You show you are cherishing someone when you do all of the above things. When you hold and have them for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health. The more you do the cherish part the more you will love and it becomes this amazing circle of life (no I was not trying to quote the Lion King).
When Lee and I were getting married we used the classic vows. Mostly because I did not feel like writing my own vows and also because the classic vows are powerful. I also asked that we not say them at our rehearsal for the ceremony. I wanted to say them to Lee one time and mean them. I remember the pastor who married us gave me a funny look when I said no we are not going to go over those now. But, I felt very strongly that I wanted to say my vows to my husband ONCE and that it be on our wedding day.
I can tell you sitting here today that I LOVE and most of all I CHERISH my husband more today than I did the day I said those vows. I can tell you we have been through every single one of the lines in those vows more than once and I am sure we will go through them again. But, I am not afraid of that because I know that those vows get stronger with each year that passes.
I LOVE you Lee Erickson. Happy Anniversary.