I figured my first few blogs should go through my introduction and what I said about myself. So the first thing I said is that I am a Jesus follower.
Yep, I am a Christian. I love Jesus and the hope He provides for me. I truly believe that Jesus came to earth to die for my sins and rose again to give me the hope of Heaven.
I understand that there are a lot of emotions when it comes to hearing the words I am a Christian at this time in our lives. There are a lot of “Christians” out there that are not living a life that reflects the love of Jesus. All I can really say about that is that I am sorry and I hope that if you continue to read my words that you can see that this term can have many people attached to it and you or I cannot group all into one.
I have followed Jesus my entire life. I was raised in a home that made church and Jesus a priority. For that I am truly grateful. So, I do not have a testimony of Jesus saving me out of a life of drugs, alcohol, sex or anyting else people might look at as a “testimony”. My testimony is one of heritage and steadfastness in faith. It is a story of going to church every Sunday to worship and learn about Jesus. It is a story of serving and giving of our time to help others. It is a story of how someone who really had a great life can still struggle with so much when it comes to anxiety and fear and rejection.
Being a Jesus follower does not make you immune to hard things in life. However, it does give you an extra set of tools to combat those hard things. I am grateful very much for the foundation of faith in my life. Without it some of the things I have gone through in life would have been much harder or I would have probably looked to things I should not have for comfort.
I have struggled most of my life with rejection and feeling like I do not matter. This mostly came to the forefront in my life in Middle School. Can we just all agree that middle school is TOUGH and probably the worst time in a kid’s life. I went to a VERY small private christian school and when I say small I mean there were 8 of us in my 8th grade class. During my time there we also changed churches. My parents made the change mostly for their kids. To give us a church that had more to offer us in terms of growth in our christian walks. It was in this season that the want/ need for belonging really became apparent in my life. I felt this want/ need at my small school but as we began to attend this new/bigger church and I became more involved in the youth group the more the want to be a part grew.
We are all wired for community. I think this want grew inside of me because of that wiring and it just had not been fully connected until I actually entered a community of people that had some of the same wants and desires as myself. The problem with this desire being woken up in me is that it also made the realization that people are flawed and hurt each other even more apparent in my life. I had dealt with middle school drama. But, again the scale of that was small when you enter a youth group of hundreds with leaders that seem to prefer certain students over others. That is an entirely different ball game.
Trying to measure up and fit in became my life through middle school. Not because of Jesus but because of flaws. People that did not realize how strongly their actions would affect the kids around them. This brought pain into my life that for decades I would work through. And you know who brought me through this pain. JESUS.
Jesus to me is a constant. He has never left my side. There is nothing I can do to change the fact that He chose to give His life for me and I am worth that. Yes, I am worth the death of Jesus on the cross and so are you. I have learned over the years as I have worked through the pain of rejection in different ways, shapes and forms that it is not about the people who caused the pain. It is about the ONE who does not reject. The people who cause the pain most likely do not even know that it is happening. They are probably just doing their best to lead, be a friend, be a spouse or co-worker. Yes, there are people out there that are jerks but that is a small percentage compared to those who unknowingly cause hurt.
Once, I came into the full knowledge that I need to put my full Hope and Trust into Jesus and not the flawed people of this world. I could see the truth behind some of the pain I was feeling and that truth was people make mistakes and don’t even know it. I needed to let things go. I was the one holding onto it. Not them. Jesus was there to take it so that I could continue to move forward and grow and do better to help people, maybe not feel the same way I did.
So, I say all of this to say that I love Jesus because He truly is the One who is ALWAYS there. In the sad and hard times. He is there. In lonely and hurt times. He is there. In the pain and heartache. He is there. For that I will always be grateful.